(No.348—No.355)

No.348

I have lived a muddled life for a month.

I didn't go out to make a film. I just kept retouching and releasing the film every day, asking the assistant to go to the printing factory, and leaving everything to others.

However, when sitting at home, when I see the sofa, I often think of the moment he pushed me away in the dark night.

I couldn't understand those emotional eyes at the time, but when I recall, my heart hurts sharply.

I have no grudges.

Because I know him.

When Zhang Ping said that the loser Zhang Jiming was all over the world, he said that the winners and losers live in the moment; after he showed me his panic about the competition results on the top floor, he immediately said loudly, "You must continue to worship I"...how could Yu Huai like this be willing to let me expose his lies.

The lie is inseparable from his dignity.

The brighter the young Yu Huai in my memory, the more I feel sorry for this man who lives in lies.

I actually told him about Zhang San’s current situation, Li Si’s new job, Wang Wu’s study abroad life...

How cruel.

There are some things that I have never gotten, so I don't feel a pity.

He was really lost.

No.349

I want to call β, although she is always indifferent, but someone said that at least it can relieve the anxiety in my heart.

Only now have I discovered how important old friends are.

The past between Yu Huai and I, even if I remember it clearly, there is still no way to talk to new people today. No matter how pure and fresh the things from my youth are, it is inevitable that I would say something at this age.

I have never been afraid of others laughing at me since I was young, but I am afraid of others laughing at me and Yu Huai.

But I still didn't call.

I don't want β to know about Yu Huai's current situation-this kind of helplessness is not a shame, nor is it a failure, I am not trying to maintain the image of the person I like for my own selfishness.

no no.

But I just don't want to.

Yu Huai cautiously avoided contacting anyone, pretending that he had already flown back to the United States to continue studying. It was ridiculous, but when I thought about it, I would roll over in pain.

He lost the third game. When he walked out of the shadows, he said to me, Lin Yang is fine, why can't I do it again?

Do you want to start again? Yu Huai?

Sometimes I ran to the door of the first hospital in the city at night, and then stopped at the door of the ward; sometimes I suddenly sat up from the bed, racking my brains to be nice to him, and racking my brains to feel that he was good to me. It's not enough to pay back.

But I know, he doesn't need it.

I don't want to use text messages and phone calls to force him to shut down his mobile phone number, so I haven't contacted him.

He was teased by fate time and time again, tried his best to set the path of life back on track, and then again and again lost to the overturning hand of fate.

Therefore, I chose to let him live in his own "America".

But is this really what he wants?

No.350

I didn't take a break during November, because the customer who had flown from Beijing to take wedding photos had already arrived in our city.

The assistant said that they are going to Zhenhua to take a shot, so I will take a look together and talk while watching.

I haven't been back to Zhenhua for seven full years, and this couple is so **** capable. If it weren't for the assistant who said he had a high price and the other party was happy, I wouldn't wait.

I stood listlessly at the gate of Zhenhua. Fortunately, I was only shooting the scene. If I filmed today, I would probably die on the playground.

The ochre-colored door was newly repaired a year before we enrolled, and it has been exactly ten years now. After the erosion of wind, frost, rain and snow, the color faded, and it looked much better than before.

I know what it feels like to be a world away. Ten years ago, when I stood at the gate for the first time, I stared at it for a long time with excitement and anxiety.

At that time I was Geng Geng, and I didn't know Yu Huai yet.

"Geng Geng? Waited a long time."

I turned my head, and in front of me stood a somewhat familiar woman with white skin, charming long hair, and slender eyebrows.

"You look a little kind." I asked with a smile.

"Of course. I am Luo Zhi."

I was stunned.

"Sister Luo Zhi?! Ah, ah, ah, why are you! Why don't you tell me on the phone!"

She smiled and watched me screaming in front of the school gate, that scheming look, the feeling I had back then.

"Are you married? You take wedding photos? Who? Who marries you hahaha, so blessed!"

"I also think he is very blessed," she nodded solemnly, making me laugh, "and I think you might know him."

She waved to the other side of the road and smiled brightly.

I looked in that direction, a tall boy holding three bottles of water, ran towards us across the zebra crossing, and saw Luo Zhi beckoning, he also burst into an extremely bright smile instantly.

It is Sheng Huainan.

It is the Sheng Huainan who "Luo Zhi loves Sheng Huainan, no one knows".

I stood still, almost forgetting to breathe.

No.351

I looked at Sheng Huainan and didn't say a word for a while, just staring at him, completely looking at others.

Luo Zhi would naturally not know that I had seen that sentence on the wall.

"You didn't treat other primary school girls before..." Luo Zhi turned his head and said to Sheng Huainan with an ugly expression.

"Absolutely not... right?" Sheng Huainan scratched his head and was severely pinched by Luo Zhi. He laughed, took her in his arms and hugged her from behind, with his chin resting on top of her head.

You **** show off your affection before I can react, is there any law? !

"Did you come back to show off with me on purpose?" I stared at Luo Zhi.

Luo Zhi nodded with a look of sunshine.

"Yes." She said with a smile.

Love can change a person like this. That Luo Zhi, who always speaks something meaningful, and the melancholy senior who always hides a secret, will smile so openly at this moment, which surprised me more than her legendary dream came true.

"What are you staring at him?" Luo Zhi asked me, but he tilted his head to look at Sheng Huainan who had turned his back in embarrassment.

I do not know.

Maybe it's because I believed so much when I was a kid that the world will treat us kindly, and the first person to love when I was young will definitely be together.

I didn't do it, I didn't do it simply, nor did β.

But Luo Zhi did it.

I have always believed in love. Now the world uses them to prove that I am right.

I don't know how many unknown stories and twists and turns in this process, but she did it.

Not all persistence has results, but there are always some persistence that can cultivate 100,000 blooming roses from an inch of frozen ground.

And the cowardly me, I only deserve to stand next to me, silently watching a flower that has nothing to do with me.

No.352

Luo Zhi and Sheng Huainan flew back from Beijing to take photos. They originally planned to find a friend to shoot by themselves, but the shooting effect was terrible. Her idea is to go back to the high school where the two people met to take pictures. It fits well with the photography style of my studio all the time. She turned a lot of recommended posts on the Internet and saw my studio at a glance. The boss is called Geng Geng.

I naturally want to use my best skills.

I accompanied them in school for a long time. When they choose a location, I naturally have to ask questions, and the questions are linked together to form a love skeleton.

Some parts are secretly consistent with what I know.

For example, her carefully written test essays are all for him to see in the excellent essay commentary class one day.

But he has never read one.

I listened to Luo Zhi casually telling me all the silly things she had done for that long secret love, and couldn't help but smile.

"It's great, these words can be said with this attitude now, it is really a winner and loser." I said.

"Winner and loser?" Sheng Huainan who was walking in front suddenly turned to look at me.

Don't do this, I am getting older, and I blush like a little girl.

"Yes," Luo Zhi noticed keenly, and smiled to help me out, "For example, now that you are mine, how unspeakable secrets you used to be can now be used as fun facts. Who says the results are not important ."

Who says the result is not important.

Because of the cultivation of Zhengguo, the secret and sour thoughts of Luo Zhi back then can be spread out in the sunlight of the corridor at noon to speak easily.

and I?

So many stories that happened under the sun have become secrets that cannot be told.

I was in a daze, Luo Zhi suddenly thought of something, and turned to ask me: "By the way, where is your deskmate? Where is it now?"

I was unprepared and speechless.

"She is at the same table?" Sheng Huainan asked.

"Well," every sentence of Luo Zhi sounded like an echo to me, "their two names are very interesting. They are linked together, and they happen to be Geng Geng Yuhuai."

Sheng Huainan raised his eyebrows in surprise. Luo Zhi noticed, and hurriedly asked: "You know?"

Sheng Huainan nodded: "Of course."

He paused for a while, as if he couldn't bear to continue speaking.

"Yes," I took over and said with a smile, "Yu Huai idolized you when he was in school, and was influenced by you to never recite classical Chinese."

What a weird scene. In my high school, I never dreamed that one day I would come to take wedding photos for the seniors whom Yu Huai admired and my favorite seniors, and chat with them casually about the past.

If you turn back a little bit, then, they don't know each other, but we are so good.

I almost laughed out loud.

You say, this is considered Fengshui turns.

No.353

I already know something in my mind. I agreed with them on some specific matters and confirmed the time with the school. I can rent the venue this Saturday.

After they left, I walked around the school alone.

In many places, you don't dare to go, for fear of being overwhelmed by memories. In fact, they are all pits that you dug yourself. If you haven't gone yet, you have moved yourself.

Just like Zhenhua to me.

I haven't come back for seven years, and I really have to come back, and I don't think so.

This is just a school.

Yes, I have listened to Jolin Tsai’s entire album by Jolin and Beta in the stadium stands, but now Jolin has transformed into an acrobat who can hold a concert; I also played a heroic volleyball female player on the playground, Now, I have to eat a whole bottle of high-calcium tablets in the cap to climb the stairs, but there is no guarantee that going to the fifth floor will be effortless.

Beyond recognition.

It turned out that the classroom of our fifth class is now hung up with a sign of the 23rd class. I peeked at the position of Yu Huai and me from the window of the back door, just as the curtains floated, covering both tables.

Just because of three years of getting along. I told myself.

Because I didn't get it, it looked very good. This is not love. I repeat in my heart over and over again.

Wake up, Geng Geng.

Thinking about it this way, I suddenly felt that there was nothing bad to face.

After coming out of Zhenhua, I took a taxi and went straight to the City No. 1 Hospital.

Before I walked into the hospital, I saw Yu Huai's tall figure from a distance in the yard, swaying slowly, particularly conspicuous in the crowd. He was carrying a travel bag, possibly containing his mother's change of clothes.

I shouted loudly: "Yu Huai."

He should have recognized my voice. Otherwise, why is it so stiff when it stops.

No.354

Yu Huai refused the help I offered.

"I decided not to take a Ph.D. I can get a master's degree in my major without losing money. If I come back to work, the way out is good. The difficulty is only temporary, so don't worry."

He smiled at me gratefully, with no hint of aggressiveness in his tone, simple and firm.

"My mother's illness can't be changed anymore, so she can only continue to do dialysis like this, and stay on for a week. Uncomfortable is uncomfortable, but can't it be treated as eating and sleeping? People have to eat every day and not eat. You will die. It's the same thing as dialysis. Just start it if you want to. When I get to work, my dad won't have to support the whole family alone, which can relieve a lot."

The proud and sharp young man would one day speak to me so peacefully. The idealistic ambition can no longer be heard.

"When I gave up Tsinghua University, I was a bit unwilling. But this time I didn't feel particularly uncomfortable. It was too naive to study physics to Ph.D. and go to the United States to do scientific research. It was not my bad luck, it was my high school. Time has always been unrealistic, and has never considered the pressure of reality. If you think that I am at this age and still can’t think about it because of this, you would be too small for me."

He laughed more heartily.

Also farther away from me.

We were sitting on the bench under the strong sunlight. I saw a little wrinkle in the corner of his eyes when he laughed. Because of his thinness, his facial features were extraordinarily three-dimensional, which stretched a lot more than he was a teenager, and he already had the silhouette of a mature man.

The so-called being let off by time is just my illusion.

We have all changed.

He made me unable to say a word.

"I think it's really good for you now," Yu Huai said, "but it's much better than when you were in school. At that time, I was worried for you, and it's fortunate that you can hold on. It's great now, I Happy for you, you...re really good. I feel that when I face you, I can’t hold my head up. There is nothing I can’t bear to live in the United States. I went to the laboratory early in the morning and there were a lot of Chinese people in it. One day, I went back to the apartment at 11 o’clock in the evening. I was so tired that I didn’t want to talk or move. I just ate the leftovers made by Lin Yang and the others in my room. I watched PPS while eating. Really," he laughed, "Watching in America PPS, it feels ridiculous when I think of it. There is nothing I can't bear to bear. I will still be confused if I live on, you see, now we are upside down."

Stop talking, stop talking.

I was suddenly afraid to look at him.

I don't know what the overwhelming loss in my heart is.

"Don't mind," I heard my cold voice, "I came to find you on my own terms, not to embarrass you."

"I know," Yu Huai said, "this is a hurdle in my own heart. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I want to see you or worse than me. I'm happy when I worship me. I'm not that kind of person. ."

Of course I know who you are!

I bit my lip, wondering where this nondescript conversation will go. We spread everything out like adults. The heartfelt voices of two high school students who spent a week talking intermittently. Now that they grow up strong, they have learned the art of talking and disguising. The parsing is completed within minutes.

Doris, more simply.

"At your house that night... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say those things to hurt you. Maybe when facing you, I still feel a sense of gaps. My speech will be hard to listen to, and things will become very bad. See you When you get to you, you will feel that the previous life has come back, and it will appear that I am now incompetent and lacking energy. So I will rebound very strongly. Don't be angry with me."

I know, I know all this, Yu Huai, can you not say it so calmly?

I seem to be able to see the growth of the land between the two of us, pulling this bench longer and farther.

"Actually... I went to find you. In Beijing." He said suddenly.

I heard this in a muddle, and turned my head to look at him suddenly.

No.355

Yu Huai watched me speaking throughout the whole process, with a particularly magnanimous, responsible and indifferent appearance.

Speaking of this, when I turned to look at him, I avoided my gaze.

"When I first decided not to go to Tsinghua University, I felt very uncomfortable. It is false to say that it is not uncomfortable. I can still recall the feeling. I have survived the opening hours of Tsinghua University at home, and it is a little better, like The guillotine on the guillotine finally fell, and I no longer panic. I have been studying here for half a year, and I have accepted the reality. I remembered that I ran without a trace and changed my phone number. I feel embarrassed, why I have to go to Beijing to explain to you."

"I secretly asked Xu Yanliang about you. Even Xu Yanliang didn't know that I didn't go to Tsinghua University at all. I called your dormitory, and they said that you were not there, so I just waited downstairs, and waited until it was almost dawn. Until you hold the hand of a boy and come back on rollerblades with a group of people."

I instinctively wanted to explain, but held back.

Close your eyes and continue listening to him.

"You look very happy. I think that's enough."

I finally interrupted him: "How do you know I am happy? Does laughter mean happiness?"

He patted my head suddenly, and the temperature of his hands was warmer than the sun.

"Geng Geng, I don't sit next to you anymore, and I can't do anything for you. My previous life is over. We are not at the same table anymore. I am not as good as Yu Huai before, but you are better than when you were in high school. Don't be so stubborn, you... have passed."

Don't be so stubborn.

I opened my eyes and saw him stand up in a posture of saying goodbye.

"Yu Huai?"

"what?"

"Did you like me before?"

He looked at me tenderly, chuckled, lowered his head and scratched the back of his head, like a seventeen-year-old high school student.

Fortunately, high school student Yu Huai came to answer the questions that high school students had to ask.

After a long time, Yu Huai nodded gently.

I burst into tears instantly.

"I don't know when it started. The life passed like a running account. When I reacted, I didn't know what was going on." He said with a smile.

"what about now?"

He didn't answer, but looked at me and asked, "What about you? Where are you now? Do you know it yourself?"

I know what.

He didn't give me time to think, turned around and left in a hurry.